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Hell and Torture

You will recognize them immediately. Staring and leaning on the closest object they could find. And when you look at them you know that there are a thousand other places they’d rather be. And I admit…. I’m one of them. What do we, men, have done that we’re need to suffer that way. Wasn’t it Eva that bit the first in the apple? Unfortunately! Some capitalistic bastards took care of this so-called Sodom and Gomorra.

I prefer to call it the Hennes and Maurits.

Good god, what a horror when I stepped inside…you can better say dragged in! It’s a place where the differences between men and woman totally reveal. But, the more you visit that store, the more secrets it will reveal.

Sometimes I question:”why do all woman scan every inch off that store, and then I mean EVERY inch of that fucking chaotic store. And why do we men take one look and we know what’s nice to wear? We walk in three minutes in and out the store, while woman take three hours to do the same round. Another strange thing I wonder, is:”Why is it from front to the back one big mess.” A dress hanging creased between the belts and some shirts at the accessories department.

Those two simple dough messy things are closely connected.

Milan 2010,

A beautiful summer day. Enjoying my holiday in this fabulous fashion city full life entertainment. Off course we did some nice shopping. And between all those cultural attractions en chic designer stores there is also a H&M, that can’t be skipped. Who knows there might be a different collection than at home. We entered and in 10 minutes I found three nice pieces to try on. In the meanwhile I noticed that the airco didn’t work properly. Is it to scare off men?

My mom who isn’t ready yet, very predictable, takes some pieces, looks, judges and lays them down on an whole other place. I already start to sweat and getting very hot.

I took a look at the queue… I lifted my eyebrows and asked myself do we REALLY need to join that queue? It looks like the Chinese Wall, only more crowded! So I decided to go to the second floor.

And again the whole department is scanned in that typical female-manner. I asked my mom: ’Why do you do that?” It’s bloody hot and you’re scanning every inch of this department. “But who knows, that somebody, left “that” shirt in “my” size somewhere over here!”

Goddammit! Now it’s clear. Those woman are so chaotic that they leave all those clothes everywhere they can! And they all know that they all do the same. They’re all in the same conspiracy! Force themselves to scan that store over and over again. Week after week.  Another mystery solved in the Male versus Female discussion.

After a fitting room torture, we finally arrived at the last phase of our H&M experience, pay our concurred clothes. After a while it’s our turn and I slide my bank card through the slot. PIEEEEEEEEP. Another try.. PIIEEEEEEP. Slowly i’m getting nervous. Other bank card…PIEEEEEP.. PIEEEP.

“Those bank cards should work here.” In the meantime tons of womaneyes are glancing at my back, waiting to pay their concurred items.

Meanwhile I rather would be in thousand other places than here!

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